How to Use the Internet to Housebreak a Dog and Go Quickly Insane

The Internet is mostly a garbage place filled with sewer people. Featuring the worst kind of sewer people. Smug, know-it-all sewer people. Ask it a question and its minions spew out a garbled mess of advice and opinions. Think you have a cold, want to check your symptoms online? You have herpes. Wonder whether you … Continue reading →

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On Compliments & Being ‘Relatable’

I have definitely been known to say one of the following after receiving a compliment: “OMG no, I’m a disgusting troll monster. You look so great! Seriously obsessed with everything going on with you.” “This necklace? I literally fished it out of the bottom of a garbage bag I found in the sewer.” “What? This shirt? OMG … Continue reading →

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It’s Not Right, But It’s Okay: Looking Through Phone Pics

Here is the scenario: Betty is your friend. Betty wants to show you a picture of the beautiful beach she visited over the weekend. Betty pulls up the picture on her cell phone and hands it you. Do you: (a.) Look at the picture and then hand the phone back to Betty (b.) Look at … Continue reading →

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