Please Refrain From Letting Your Kids Run Around Restaurants
I live in Park Slope where special snowflake children are the rule and not the exception. What is a special snowflake? It’s an annoying parenting theory that posits their children are special snowflakes and everything they do and say is perfect–even when they misbehave, throw public tantrums, and are rude. Normally, during such common ‘when-good-child-goes-bad’ situations, a parent comes in to end such behavior otherwise the child risks becoming an asshole adult and/or (most likely) will get their favorite toy taken away. But not these lil’ Higher Beings. They’re Perfect.
Never from the ‘Barney/Never’ episode of Louie reminds me of the snowflake theory as his mom warns Louie, “And one thing you should know, I never say ‘no’ to him.”
It frustrates me to no end when parents let their kids run around restaurants instead of teaching them how to sit through an entire meal. “Sure Sage, run around the restaurant with your brother Arrow! That is so wonderful you’re exploring your body’s energy!” And soon two little ones are buzzing around your table and sprinting back and forth between their parent’s table and the bathroom.
This isn’t a fucking Gymboree.
Not only is it annoying, but there are other safety issues at hand. Last weekend my mom, sister, and I were dining when we noticed a nearby dad let his child, who couldn’t be more than 3 years old, wander from the table. His child wandered so far that the kid ended up walking around the sidewalk right next to a busy street! All while the dad looked on and smiled. My mom was so appalled she told the dad to collect his child. Oh, sorry, is protecting little Willow from street traffic a restriction of his personal will? No, it’s making sure your 3 year old isn’t going to get hit by a car or snatched up by some weirdo.
Almost worse than the super-special-snowflake parents are the parents who don’t seem to care that their kids are causing a ruckus in the name of “We’re Allowed to Enjoy a Meal Out Too Even Though We Have Kids.” At least the snowflake parents have an ethos to their parenting. These parents are usually too consumed with their own meals or adult playdates to care about making sure the children are seated. “Sure, yeah Brayden go play with Cayden over there. What did you say about your new hot flyweehlyogaspin class?” And now we are all responsible for Brayden and Cayden. Great.
A popular response of the latter kind of parents usually involves pulling out their trump cards of, “Well YOU don’t have kids!” and “Have YOU ever tried to sit a 5 year old down for an entire meal?”
And to those trump cards I say: it doesn’t matter. It doesn’t matter because you’re the parent and in public places you should instill in your children a decorum of respect for others and their meals. If you want to let Allister and Blue run around during dinner in your house, fine. I think getting out of the house is great and getting children exposed to restaurants is awesome! But, unless I’m dining in a Chuck E. Cheese, I should not be eating in the middle of a playpen.
That said, I know shit happens. Meltdowns happen. And I feel terrible for parents who have on their hands a crying child or an over-tired baby. That must be really frustrating. This is totally different from letting kids treat restaurants like the playground. It is not only possible to get children to sit through meals (helllooo coloring books), but it’s necessary to teach children lessons in how to behave in public settings, how to have patience, and generally how to act in a restaurant. Believe it or not, these practices in patience go a long way.
Children are fantastic and are brilliant, creative, and bright. But, children need guides to show them right and wrong. How to behave and not to behave and to respect others. It’s why it’s not enough to just call yourself a ‘parent,’ you need to actually be one. And trust me, little Arya won’t remember all the times you were a ‘meanie’ or ‘forceful dictator’ making her sit through a meal.
judge city 