judge city

reddit user has FOUR penises #NSFW

But, being a dumb curious human, I can’t help but click. Recently, I’ve gone on a total ‘what to know by (age)’ article death spiral. 25 things to know before you’re 25 , The 5 things every woman in her 20’s should know, hell I even read a 50 things to learn by 50 list.

Sure, part of me clicks because I’m curious, but the other part is the one who always wants a quick fix for everything from diets to finding meaning in my life. Will this 25 before 25 have the ONE piece of advice that will change everything and save me from the existential dread that has been my early 20’s?

Stock photos of women running are an important addition to these articles

And so I click and am more and more disappointed by these stupid lists that dole out little to no helpful advice. And then, each time I finish the article, it ends with ‘…and it’s okay not to have it all figured out.’ You just told all the things I HAVE to have by age 28 and now you’re saying it’s okay if I don’t? WTF EVERY TIME like some weird conspiracy theory. Maybe if I rearrange the letters in all of these lists it’ll tell me secret government info on where Tupac is hiding.

But, it was one list-icle from a respected feminist blog that finally set me off. The author must’ve just turned 26, had a good day, and cobbled together  a 25 before 25 list of ‘knowledge’ for suckers like me. Suggestions like ‘it’s okay to be different from your high school friends’ (um, now you realize this?) to ‘save money for essentials like groceries’–THANK YOU VERY  MUCH MS. LIPPY! Thank you for telling me that it’s okay to grow up and also make sure I have money for food, since by 25 it’s important that I eat.

The problem isn’t that it’s a lazy form of advice, in fact there are two major things wrong with these age-advice-lists. The first being simple: I don’t want advice about what to do/what not to do before 25 by someone who has not had the gift of time to truly reflect. If you’re in your late 20’s, even early 30’s, you are only skimming the surface of reflection. I feel like at age 24 I can now just start to give advice on high school. In an age of quick and fast everything, we’re so ready to reflect on a year as though it were five. Giving  such advice should not be taken so lightly.

The second and biggest problem is found within the language of the title. Things to know BY. What to know AT. What to have BY. It’s the ‘at’ and ‘by’ that are addicting. I can blame these writers all I want, but at the end of the day I have to look at me, the clicker. Why am I looking for the quick fix to a question with little answers? What makes these list a potential form of comfort? It’s because of that ‘at.’ Maybe if I can say, “Well I already have THAT at 24, then I’m doing okay.” But, it’s a false sense of comfort.

The ‘by’ and ‘at’ of these ‘timelines’ are not always so realistic, nor should they be.We all run our own races. We all go at our own paces. Buddha did not achieve enlightenment until he was around 35. Not 25. Not 30. 35 years old. According to these lists, he would be a loserface with no grocery money or hope of achieving anything. Having to have or know anything, much less  a list of ‘things’, by some mandated age seems counter-intuitive to our respective journeys.

Enlightenment: Not included on 35 Things to Have by 35

When can these you-should-know-this-at-this age lists be okay? Perhaps when the authors are not 26 giving life advice at 25. Wouldn’t it be SO much better to read more advice pieces written by women who are in their 40’s, 50’s, 60’s and beyond? And as for having anything by a certain age? Well, those lists just shouldn’t even be created.

Also, these lists can be okay when they are about sharing one’s journey without the pressures of knowing/having anything by a certain time. For instance, I think the “What I Learned at 25” articles are much stronger since there is more to glean from hearing the author’s personal story rather than a hasty, so-so list. Isn’t sharing our experiences really at the heart of these lists anyways?

I might not be reading age-advice-list-icles anymore, but I will absolutely still click on anything having to do with a dolphin woman giving birth to a kitten-human with five heads while a celebrity couple divorces.

It’s okay not to have everything figured out.