judge city

Defendant: Lana Del Rey

Plantiff(s): Most people

Offense: Major suckage at SNL, failure to live up to hype

Time: Like, so a few weeks ago…

Case: Obviously, I am not the first person to write what I’m about to write: Lana Del Rey sucked massive balls on SNL. She acted and looked like a cast member of The Real Boozy Housewives of the Early 1970’s and eerily sounded like Kristen Wiig’s “Target Lady.” Blah, pop culture reference, blah, snark, blah.

Aside from the bizarre and drowsy performance, viewers were also (somewhat justly) disappointed in Ms. Del Rey’s failure to live up to the massive hype that’s been surrounding her. But, bloggers, Facebook users, Twitter-ers, and even Celebrities (if Dushku counts) took to their media outlets of choice to attack Ms. Del Rey the way I like to eat Doritos: savagely and often.

This savagery was all carried out in a very “8th-grade-girl-tear-that-bitch-to-shreds” manner. Complaints ranged from the fair (“She sucked,” “Her voice is bad,” “Weirdo performance”), to the semi-fair (“Was she on pills?” “What the fuck was that?”  “That’s what all the hype was for!?”) to the bitchy (“Can’t believe I ever liked her” “Cool granny dress” “Her nail beds suck”). Interestingly enough, what fuels most 8th grade girl hate is jealousy and the feelings of being threatened.

Not saying anyone is per se “jealous” of Ms. Del Rey. This is not one of those “guys don’t like you because you’re too hot and have too many friends.” Ew. Instead, this is somewhat of a classic case of “beauty + talent = scary.” I think many, especially our within our society, feel threatened by women and even more so when they’re pretty and/or talented and are freaked out of their mind when a woman demonstrates beauty and brains/humor/talent. I don’t want to look or sound like Ms. Del Rey, but I ain’t gonna lie: a tiny part of me rejoiced that this cool, hot girl couldn’t sing. Phew. Now, she was just hot. There are plenty of cool, hot girls right? Just the indie-I-wear-weird-sunglasses girl of the moment. Nothing special about ol’ Del Rey, right? TELL ME I’M PRETTY!

I stepped back when these juvenile, familiar feelings crept over me. I decided to listen to some of Del Rey’s music and I was even more pleased to discover her gorgeous voice and haunting, summer-like-lazy songs. As much as I had wanted to dismiss her, I felt better knowing that she had talent and she couldn’t care less. It was mostly everyone else who had the problem with creating hype and being disappointed when it doesn’t live up to it. That is a huge problem in our sociey and entertainment industry, that along with the fact that people (men and women) can’t seem to fully trust a beautiful, talented woman.

I’m not the only one thinking this way. Sasha Frere-Jones points out in her New Yorker article that many felt like Del Rey was trying to “trick us.” Ah, yes she was using Bachmann witchcraft on us. Let’s burn her to the stake? I mean “trick” people into raving over her? Let me guess, she was using her beauty to bewitch us into thinking she was an “authentic” musician. 1) She is a musician 2) Whether she is a “good” musician is up to personal judgement 3) If you’re gonna create the hype and hype the hype…exstensively research the hype.

Verdict: Innocent. She sucked on SNL, so the fuck what? I’ll defend her and her pretty nappy time songs until the day she becomes a snotty, ungrateful bitch. Then I’m out. Fend for yourself Del “gangsta Nancy Sinatra” Rey in your granny panties and ironic rings.

What do you think?